Ultimate 21st Century Phillies Lineup

Lets start with some basic rules of this lineup. First off, were just gonna fill up a lineup card like on game-day, not a whole 40 man roster. Next, only stats with the Phillies count. So Pedro Martinez’s career will not count, only that lonesome season in 2009 when he somehow started not one, but two World Series games against the Yankees with a 6.30 ERA.

Lets start off with our leadoff hitter, none other than the great Jimmy Rollins. J-Roll is the all time Phillies hit leader and won a few Gold Gloves holding down the short stop position for well over a decade. He somehow won MVP in 2007 with the 4th ever 20-20-20-20 season. He is gonna lead us off and provide the spark for the offense.

In Dan Baker voice Batting 2nd, playing 2nd, number 26 Chase Utley. Nothing else needs to be said, this guy is quite literally the man. The backbone of the Phillies from the time he got there to the time he left. He's gonna be knocking the ball around putting Jimmy in scoring position for our big guys. And, this guy hates the Mets, like a lot.

I cant tell you how many times coaches have showed me this play

Batting 3rd, Playing 1st, Bryce Harper. This guy is Philly. I don't know if you guys have seen his tik toks recently, but this guy is electric at making coffee and banana bread too. Bryce can handle any adversity thrown his way, and contrary to popular belief, he is the ultimate team guy and he can play lockdown defense at first base.

Batting 4th, Designated Hitter, Ryan Howard. There was nothing like coming home from school, flipping on the TV when the Phillies had a day game in those beautiful cream colored jerseys, and the Big Piece just pimped one out to the 3rd deck at the Bank.

I mean come on this ball is nuked

Batting 5th, playing right field, Bobby Abreu. Spending almost a whole decade with the Phillies, Bobby laid the foundation down for the World Series team as he was an absolute beast in the batters box. He somehow won a Gold Glove in 2005 with very average stats, but Right fielders aren’t known for their defensive skills.

Batting 6th, catching, J.T. Realmuto. J.T. is the best catcher the Phillies have had this century. Carlos Ruiz is a close second, but to be honest, he was never as good of a fielder as J.T. is. Also, J.T. plays just about everyday behind the plate and that is huge for the Catcher position.

Batting 7th, playing left field, Kyle Schwarber. All this guy does is hit Schwarbombs. He might be a piss poor defender, but we don't need him to field, we need him to hit some tanks. He has the 3rd most bombs in the league since becoming a Philly trailing only Aaron Judge and Shohei Ohtani. What else could the Phillies ask for from him.

Schwarbomb

Batting 8th, Playing 3rd, Placido Polanco. This might have been my favorite name to say as a kid. I thought I could hit a bottle cap with a broom stick I said his name so often. He won a Gold Glove with the Phillies in 2011 and during his 7 years as a Philly slashed .289/.341/.398. A slightly above average player, but who else is going here? Definitely not Alec Bohm or Scot Rolen.

Batting 9th, Playing center field, the Flying Hawaiian , Shane Victorino. Gold Glove caliber defense, a nice swinging switch hitting stick (no homo), and one of the most underrated nick names of all time. This guy is gonna turn the order for the big fellas up front.

You think they call him the Flyin' Hawaiian because he's slow?

Your starting pitcher for this made up game I imagined while bored in my apartment, is Zach Wheeler. This one was very hard, but Zach Wheeler is the definition of a bulldog pitcher. Big game? Give the ball to Zach. In the Playoffs Zach has been absolutely lights out. Oh and the MLB Projects him to be the number 1 pitcher of 2025 as of like 10 minutes ago. Tough decision, but I gotta go with Wheeler. Shoutout Cole Hamels, shout out Doc Halladay, but only one guy can start.

Overall, I now realize that this is just a mashup of the 2008 and 2022 Phillies, but the Phillies were complete dog shit between them so what are you gonna do? Go argue with some pixels on the screen.

Not a photoshop guy, don't roast me

Please like and share this with a Phillies fan, especially your drunk uncle who lives by himself and eats chips off of his beer belly. I am really not the biggest Eagles, Sixers, or Flyers fan so I probably wont be writing about them, I just don't really care about them at all.

And that my amigos, is the Tea, with T