The day was September 21st 2024. A beautiful Saturday in the great city of New York. I was there with 3 of my buddies from high school and we had rolled into New Brunswick around high noon to meet up with the last friend, and to hop onto the train to Grand Central Station. The plan for the day was simple. Fuck around in New York City for a little, watch the Mets play the Phillies at Citi Field, back to fucking around in New York City. A simple plan for 4 men in their young 20's.
Before I get any further, let me just touch the surface of who this Frank the Tank guy is for those that do not know. He is a sports personality at Barstool Sports who specialize in yelling at the New York Mets, Miami Dolphins, and New Jersey Devils for sucking. He is also on a weight loss journey as he has lost over 200 pounds just by walking everyday. He reviews hot dogs and sodas. He is also a baseball history nut as he can recall just about any baseball stat from the top of the dome. His persistent hate for the New Jersey Transit is a passion that only a few people have and you may of have seen him in a few of his viral clips.
Screw it heres a compilation
We get to NYC around 1:30 in the afternoon. First things first, gotta get a classic New York slice, and a hot dog. Pizza slice was good, one bite, everyone knows the rules, I gave it a 7.1, little greasy. The hot dog though was horrible and it was like 8$. Never buy anything from anyone without the prices listed. That hot dog vendor saw my RayBans that I just got as a birthday gift and immediately doubled the price no doubt. Also a huge shoutout to the homeless people of NYC. Why? Because after I got my super overpriced hot dog, I did not fully place my wallet back into my back pocket and it fell out and I did not notice for a few seconds until a homeless man smoking a cigarette saw and shouted "AYY man, dropped yo wallet fool." Thank you kind homeless sir, I hope that American Spirit I gave you hit the spot.
The boys had no clue how to get from Manhattan to Queens to get to Citi Field. If you’re a New Yorker you’re probably thinking how do I not know the train system all I had to do was take the 7 train that takes you directly to the stadium. But me and my friends are not from the city, and we are very dumb so instead, we took an Uber to Queens. The Uber driver helps us out immensely and he got us to a entrance gate to the side with no line. I had only gotten standing room seats because they were pretty expensive, and I knew that I could find some good standing room only "seats". Only problem was that 2 of my friends had backpacks that I told them they could not bring in multiple times. Like 5 times I swear to god I even told them before we left New Brunswick. But good thing was that Citi Field has a 3rd party storage unit type thing for peoples backpacks. Only problem was that it was on the other side of the stadium. You ever walk around a stadium from the outside? You realize just how big these sports stadiums are. We finally get the bags in and we are now at the main gates where the 7 train drops everyone off at and it is like 15 minutes before game time now so there are no standing room seats.
Citi Field is low key a really cool stadium that does not get enough credit. The outside Homage to Ebbets Field is neat to us baseball history nuts. Also just a quick note to throw in there for those that know, the guy with the pit bull with the pipe and hat was there, fuck that guy for beating that dog. That dog should be rolling around in the grass chasing a ball, not making you money. Ok back to the regularly scheduled blog. I forget what giveaway day it was, but I got a bright orange beanie with a Mets logo on it that was upside down. I totally thought that it was supposed to be upside down until I realized that other peoples Mets logos on the beanie were not upside down. We got good standing room seats in the 3rd level in left field. Just in time to see a Kyle Schwarber leadoff bomb. Lol Mets. I then proceeded to get an ice cold tall boy of Coors Light for the ripe price of 15$. Our standing room seats got taken when all 3 of my friends I was with got up and went to get food at the same time. I was wrongfully blamed for this as I was supposed to hold down the room for 4 grown men when I only have the power of one. So our nice standing room only area with a bar and snack bar right behind us, was gone.
The boys had to think, we were on the move looking for a spot to stand in a sold out Citi Field. Oh and by the way, I was the only one who has been to a MLB game within 5 years out of my friends, and I was hammered. I was basically the tour guide and I could not compute 2 thoughts together if my life depended on it. After going around in circles and getting told multiple times by security "hey you can't stand there" we then came to the consensus that If we can barely see the field, it would be best to barely see the field on the first level. We finally find a spot where we can get a good chunk of the field in our sight. By the way this whole time I am not only hammered, but wearing a Phillies hat and getting boo'ed left and right by Mets fans. I did not shit talk back though because the Phillies were getting their doors blown off. Cool guy move by me though right?
After the Mets had a 1-2-3 inning, I hear a voice of someone yelling that was all too familiar. I turn and I see what is my equivalent of seeing Jesus Christ himself. Frank the Tank is ranting about how the Mets suck. It was like watching Picasso paint, like Barry Bonds hitting a home run, Michael Jordan dunking, Tiger Woods hitting a drive. I was in awe, I immediately turned to my friends and let them know of my findings. Frank the mudder fucking Tank is sitting 20 feet away from us. They had no idea what I was saying. After a quick youtube lesson they had all realized they had seen him before. Frank stands up, he's walking towards me, I'm hammered, can barely stand. I had a thought that this might be the only time in my life that I could take a picture of Frank the Tank and meet one of my favorite internet personalities. I quick pull my camera up, made sure it was on selfie mode and right as Frank gets up the steps I go up and ask him for a picture, I almost ran him over, what he says next I will never forget.
"Make it quick I gotta pee." - Frank "The Tank" Fleming.
I then took what was possibly the best picture of my entire life. My friends say that this is the most shock a human being can look. I would like to think that this is the best selfie I will ever take in my life.
Camera? Smudged. Me? Hammered. Frank? Walks. Phillies? Losing. Hands? Shaking.
I want this picture on my wall, framed. Whenever I feel sad or down in the dumps ya know, I just pull up this picture, remember the feeling that I had when I met Frank the Tank. After this picture Frank would go on and take his pee and I did the respectful thing of just letting him enjoy the Mets win in peace. Some guy later on would start yelling at Frank and calling him names. This guy was met with a lot of boos, and a nice little chat with security. That guy is what we call in my homeland, a fucking loser. The Mets would win and I would go back home to the middle of nowhere Pennsylvania but not before having the best cheeseburger of my life right next to Times Square.
I am not gay, not that there is anything wrong with that, but this burger made me moan. Once again, not gay, not that there is anything wrong with that.
Frank the Tank is a legend, I met him in his natural habitat when he just got done yelling at the Mets. It was one of the best days of my life. Some people say that you don't want to meet your heroes, but Frank the Tank was definitely worth meeting and is all the hype he is cracked up to be.
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And that my readers, is the Tea, with T
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